Friday, June 15, 2012

Fat Meat is Greasy

When I was in elementary school I had a music teacher who often used the expression” Ya’ll forget fat meat’s greasy.” It took many years for me to finally understood what she meant.  The point that she was trying to make is that sometimes stuff just is and there’s not a whole lot you can do to change things. In the case of fat meat, you can season it and cook it as healthily as possible but in the end it’s still greasy.

I know in my own life I have had to learn (often the hard way) the truth of this statement. There have been many times when I wanted something to be a certain way and I failed to see the way it really was. Because I am persistent by nature, I tend to keep plowing away thinking that I can change things when in reality there is nothing I can do. It is what it is.
I’ve often heard that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I guess I’ve been guilty of insanity, too. Although I know I can’t change anyone but myself I’ve often tried to make someone into what I needed him or her to be. I now realize that’s crazy, but when I was doing it I thought I could get a different result. Never once did I stop to think about how difficult it is to change my own behavior so how in the hell was I going to change someone else’s?
There have also been those times when I wore rose colored glasses because it made me feel better to tell myself a different story about the situation. Had I just called it what it was: a dead-end job, a meaningless relationship, a bad choice, a guilt trip, etc…I would have had to accept that and make a decision whether or not to walk away. Aha! There is the problem.
When you or I stop and face the reality of the situation it forces us to make a decision and we are held accountable. We no longer have anyone else to blame because after all we made the choice. It’s so much easier to drift along and see where we land without taking a real look at reality. We move unconsciously because if we stopped and really looked at things we would often realize that “fat meat is greasy” and we aren’t going to get a different result with our same behavior because this kind of problem always yields this kind of solution.
Let me break it down for you. I have a friend who only dates a certain kind of woman: she’s flashy, high maintenance, and extremely materialistic. He never seems to understand why these women end up being gold diggers and breaking his heart. This is truly a perfect example of fat meat being greasy. The type of woman he is attracted to is looking for a sugar daddy and  no matter how much he spoils her and wishes things were different she’s not going to be the sweet, innocent, big-hearted girl he truly wants. If he took the time to really look at these women, he would see that they are opportunists. That’s neither good nor bad. It just is. If he wants that from a woman, there is no problem, but if he’s looking for a meaningful relationship that’s built on more than his ability to give cash and expensive gifts, he has to make some changes.
Lately I’ve been trying to suspend judgment by accepting what is. I have refrained from calling a thing good or bad and tried acknowledging that it simply is. Believe me, it’s harder than it sounds. What I’ve learned is that there are some things I need to either accept as is or eliminate.  No matter how much I may wish things were different, they are not and that’s neither good nor bad. It just is.

 I invite you to take some time to consciously look at the things in your life without labeling them good or bad. Just observe them for what they are.

 Next, if you’re willing, examine those things that you have been trying to change and see if you can just accept them.

1 comment:

  1. This really is so much harder than it sounds. For people who dream big and want more than what they've got I think this can be an especially difficult struggle -- I think we tend to want to change things, for better or for worse in regards to ourselves, and set ourselves up for disappointment a lot because we spend so much time convinced if we just "work hard enough," we can do something revolutionary.

    But the truth of the matter is that you -- I -- *we* -- cannot really change anything other than ourselves. People like to say "you changed my mind," "this changed my opinion," but nobody does that but the person to whom those things belong. If someone's mind doesn't want to change, if someone isn't already questioning their own opinion, if a society doesn't want to be changed ... you can't change it. It evolves of its own accord and no one else's.

    I don't think that means people should stop pushing. But I think rounding the corner where you realize that you might really be talking to a brick wall, and that it's *okay* to be talking to that brick wall so long as you accept that it is, in fact, a brick wall ... I think that might go a long way to people being able to keep faith in themselves and in what they believe in.

    Hope your summer classes are going well if you've got them, still. :)

    ♥ Jessa